


For All of the Time that I Never Could

by Marta_Ayanami



Series: Luxu!! I've Heard Enough.  /Chain of Hearts [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Braig PoV, Dilan PoV, Luxu PoV, M/M, crossovers with Disney and non disney movies later, headcanons spoilers etc, plethora in whole ficverse of for now canon compliant headcanons, sometimes more PoVs in same chapter but anyway.., this is in the same continuity as 'Scribbled Notes', warnings: lots of headcanons and also this won't be pretty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21874900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marta_Ayanami/pseuds/Marta_Ayanami
Summary: The truth is that children can see Hearts much more than the adults can, just ask Ansem the Wise about that.It's just that children don't usually know they have such power.Dilan has no idea why his best friend, Braig, who's on the verge of maybe needing to buy glasses, says all the time that he has best eyes in the world and sees everybody in most detail."And that's why I'm gonna be the world's greatest bowman! Er, archer! Shooter! Whatever, you know!" Braig always says.He's five years old, Braig, that is. A bit younger than Dilan, and therefore, stupid. That's why he says that, for sure.Also, they're best friends. Dilan just has the worst luck when it comes to that.***Next chapter: in May for sure. I promise. It's already written (draft). Which means that this time, for the first time, I won't edit the chapter after posting it! :D
Relationships: Braig & Luxu (Kingdom Hearts), Braig/Dilan (Kingdom Hearts), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Xaldin & Xigbar (Kingdom Hearts), or not added as some would be spoilers
Series: Luxu!! I've Heard Enough.  /Chain of Hearts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576777
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue / Innocent Things

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Full of headcanons. Also, most of the titles will be from Jaymes Young's song "I'll Be Good", because the whole plot of this fic is in that song. For me. So just play KH, listen to "I'll Be Good", and you'll know how the whole fic will go. AKA, I listened to this a few days ago, after finishing familiarising myself with everything in KH III, and somehow, I got this, though it sounds better in my head than on paper, because I don't know how to write, for real. Aka, inspiration, songs I listen to often inspire me, not that I can write adequately, but still. :)

Dilan sighed. His best friend, well, his only friend, and he really didn't need more of those, one was tiring enough, geeeez... his best friend, four year old now - Birthday was yesterday, and it was fun - got on his, as Dilan called it, 'high nonsense horse again'.

"But I can!" Braig said. "I can see them! See, everybody, and even animals sometimes, they have those light bulbs inside them, deeeeeeeeeep, deeeeeeep, deeeeeeeeeep inside! You too!"

"Nope," Dilan said. "They do not. And I don't have a lightbulb inside me. You're a crazy baby and that's all!"

"I'm four!"

"Well, I'm six! Crazy baby! Last week you've said there was a Devil lurking in the Outer Gardens!"

"Oh, he still lurks there, don't worry. Once a month."

Dilan blinked, not sure if he heard right.

And just stared. Braig looked back, pouting, trying, Dilan realised after a moment, to glare.

Dilan knew how long his friend can pout. He's decided to just give up and get it over with.

"And does a devil know you're watching him?"

"Iiiiii think he does? He looked at me, I had an impression, looked deep! And then he muttered, _I'm not THAT old yet, no need to get desperate. Do I really want somebody born yesterday?_ 's what that devil said."

"Fine, fine, but why the Devil? Why you think that's a devil? And not just some crazy old guy?"

"Coooooz.... coz he's invisible. And coz his light bulg... bueh, as if it could be angel's! Rather daaaaaaaaaaark light bulb. So, no angel. So, devil. Maaaaybe the Devil! Though, as if I was lucky enough to see smth thaaaaaatta special. Sooooo.... a Devil! A Devil's a Devil and he's watching me, and that's that! Duh! You're my Best Friend, so you must believe me! Them's the rules! Please????"

Dilan shook his head. Braig was impossible sometimes. If a devil came to Radiant Garden, and was an invisible devil at that, then Braig, a wannabe future archer with slgiht eyesight troubles, would for sure not see _an ivisible devil._ Seriously!

"I don't love you when you're that impossible," Dilan said, frowning.

Braig's eyes widened.

He looked down, muttering, so hushed that Dilan could barely hear, which was one of Braig's annoying habits when Braig got shy, and Braig often got shy, "As if I can say that... it's embarassing... as if I can say that... too embarassing...as if. As if. As if! I can't say it!"

Dilan came up to him, glared at him (in reality, it was more of a pout, but Dilan was sure it was a solid, grown-up glare, after all, he was the big boy here), and whispered to Braig's ear, "Our Mums aren't here, and neither are our classmates, you can just get the embarassing nonsenese over with! Just say whatever you wanna, geeeeez!"

Braig looked at him. And suddenly grinned, and shouted, loudly,

"You have a prettiest coloured light bulb when ya say you love me, Dilan! I love you, too, best friend!"

Dilan stopped himself from slapping his friend. After all, Mom and Dad tought him that slapping people younger than him was not allowed, ever.

*************

Come to think of it, he realised many, many, many years later, while the word 'friend' would never disappear, the last time he heard 'best friend' uttered in that voice would be several years later, when the owner of that voice was ten years old. After that, the phrase 'best friend' as well as the word 'love' somehow disappeared from that voice... for years...

Why hadn't he noticed? Back then? He had been the one with weak vision, it had turned out. He, Dilan. If, back then, he had believed that Braig saw what Braig saw, would-

Could he had done something? What? He knew that 'doing something' back then would only have meant telling parents and making a fool of himself.

But at least then, maybe a trace-

Truth was, Dilan never liked making a fool of himself. In other words, a certain boy was no more because of him, wasn't that right? And so, there was never any love, as for that, two people must exist - bodies are not enough.

But he had no idea, back then.

Before? None as well, as children are too young for love. Too weak.


	2. I Thought I Saw the Devil

Something rustled on the tree. That tall one, not that smaller one near.

Braig ignored it. He was already late for target practice - that is, showing Dilan that nope, he no needs no correction, he can shoot a bow perfectly.

Only, he often missed targets, Braig that is. _Geez, shoot. Geez? 'Geez' doesn't sound like me, that's Dilan's, Dilan's light bulb is rubbing off on me._

 _Okay, no 'light bulb', that's childish. People don't have light bulbs inside them. People have.... souls? I think, a year ago, when I accidentally shot at a window of a temple, one bright geezer who was nervous spoke about 'souls',_ Braig thought. _The light bulbs deep inside - they're not light bulbs, they're souls. And I... I see them less clearly each year. That's too bad._

_When I'm big, will I stop seeing them?_

"Will I stop seeing souls?" Braig suddenly wondered aloud, accidentally dropping his school bag. Oh no! What if he accidentally broke an arrow that he kept inside?! Making arrows was hard!

"Arrow!" he shouted, and immediately crouched down to check.

A man in black robe - where did he come from - who seemed familiar somehow, crouched down as well and picked Braig's bag up before Braig could.

"Geeze louise, not only half-blind but also a moron? I don't think you're a good one, after all. Maybe I'll take that other one you, you know, the one you're linked to. Then again, he's just, sooooo dull. So maybe not," the robed, hooded stranger said. He sounded old. But not. But old.

"Grampa, I don't know if I know ya," Braig muttered, quickly reaching not for his bag, nevermind that, but for his handmade arrow inside it... "Grampa, nobody says geeze louise in this century."

"Ouch! True enough, I should get up to date. What d'ya say, then?"

"You say 'oopsie daisy', grampa--Devil."

"Ah, you slay me, child. Why would you say I'm a devil? Do I stink thaaaaaat much?"

"You don't stink, or if you do..." Braig hesitated. "If ya do, my nose's not that good. But I have bestest eyes! Your light bul--errr. Soul? Your light bulb is more darker than lighter. Unlike everybody I know. Erco, you're a Devil!"

"I think you wanted to say 'ergo', child."

"Ergo! Yep. I'm not a kid!"

"If you say so, kid."

"As if!" Braig shouted. "I'm not some kiddo! I'm big now! I'm seven years old, that's almost adult!"

"Oopsie-daisies, kiddo, I don't think you're going to be adult. I like you, after all."

"Well, I don't like you!" Braig yelled and turned away. Out of the corner of his eyes, he looked at the devil closely.

Yes, it was the same devil as years ago, indeed. But he could only see the devil's light bulb dimly now. With a sudden burst of panic, Braig realised that maybe adults cannot see devils, which is why his beloved friend, who always seemed so adult, never saw the Devil. And so... if..

"If I can't see the Devil.... will the Devil trap me unknown for me with some trap....? As if!" Braig muttered.

"Now that's a fine idea, kiddo," the hooded Devil said cheerily. But it was like a theatrical cheer. It didn't go deeply into devil's light bulb. It wasn't a true cheer.

"Why..." Braig asked, suddenly intrigued. "Mister Devil, why are you a liar?"

The Devil maybe looked at him, really looked.

Then, the Devil sighed.

"Because I'm old."

"That's no good reason!"

"Ah, but it is, kiddo. I'm too old."

"As if! Well then, if you're too old, go away and die!"

"Could be fun. But I have a role to play, kiddo."

"For the millionth billionth time, I'm big! If ye don't shut up, Mister Devilman, I'll shoot you to hell tomorrow!"

"It's a date, then."

"What?" Braig asked, as this seemed.... to be... what would teachers at school call it? A non segutar?

"Tomorrow, your house. Buh-bye!"

"What's that even supposed to mean? I'm not a baby!"

"Fine, kiddo. I can just say _goodbye_ but that sounds like I'm talking to at least a fifty year old boy, and you're not, just a few years old toddler."

"Seven!"

"Fine, fine." The Devil seemed to relent, and then added, annoyingly to Braig, "Ciao, baby!"

And disappeared as the devil's light bulb seemed to dim slightly, or maybe not. After all, Braig was getting worse at telling. He panicked. He didn't want to meet the devil tomorrow. Somehow, he didn't want to. And so, he promised himself that he'd spent the whole tomorrow at Dilan's. There, no Devil could get him.

That was known. That was fact, a freaking fact, coz, Dilan was strong (Braig was, too, but somehow, right now, a bit scared.) Dilan was strong, and Braig's best friend, and everybody knows, devils only get friendless suckers. For sure.


	3. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luxu doesn't need to rest, or so he tells himself. He does it out of the kindness for children, so that they may possess their previously their bodies, for themselves (their bodies now belong to Luxu, finders keepers, guys, but he can share sometimes, out of goodness of his heart, ya know) for a day or a year, or two years, even, in, as Luxu calls it, 'slow times', when not too much progress is being made.
> 
> Well, lenting a body back like that is a kind thing, isn't it? And funny. The had-been-watching-long-ago Master might appreciate the show, even if Luxu doesn't see those parts, because those parts are when Luxu is sleeping.
> 
> Luxu's recordtime nap is twenty years, but that was long ago, long before Xehanort was born. In another child, long before Braig was born.
> 
> Braig.. doesn't have that luck.
> 
> What? One can blame it all on bad luck.
> 
> (As if.)

It's been a week since they stopped existing, or so does Xeha--Xemnas say. Dilan - no, Xaldin - isn't sure what to believe, anymore. He remembers, dimly, how this all happened. Losing his heart. Losing Braig's, too--

Somehow--- he knows, because he managed to ask, that Even - Vexen - remembers more. Ditto Aeleus, Ienzo - er, Zexsomething... and everyone, really. His own loss of heart - no, Heart - is like... an afterthought, if his own memories, really. There was glass, or maybe porcelain. And there was a chain. And there was Braig. And there was something else, something sinister.... so sinister.... something....someone...

He must've imagined it. Something that sinister, even after all of their experiments, simply could not exist, or--

(Or Braig wouldn't have still existed, or not existed, at all, if there was something like that in his Heart, Dilan thinks, because, the one he ~~loves~~ knows, the Braig he ~~loves~~ knows, cannot rightly contain a devil in his ~~stubborn, that still won't love him, no matter after how many favours~~ Heart. Wouldn't. Couldn't. It'd have exploded. (Then again, didn't all of their hearts, all six? Perhaps not, as he remembers Xehanort (not Ansem, what a stupid thing to call himself) doing a thing to Hearts, but--

Xehanort was-- sinister, true, in those last moments, but, somewhere, underneath Braig, Dilan found something more menacing still---and shuddered--- and nearly forgot it all. He was trying to recall--

He'd dream of it. A memory, a dream. But if he woke up, that'd be out of his grasp, no matter what. Everbody else remembered that day. And so, the guard felt as if he should, too, even though he couldn't very well _feel_ anything, just as all others couldn't--

*******************

"....ver lose your memory?!"

Dilan began walking even faster, and then, running. This gut feeling that something happened to his best friend, Aeleus, and that something happened to the scientist and that something happened to the child, and that now the same something might happen to his belo----his best friend, Braig grew with each milisecond.

Of course, why wouldn't something happened, and maybe it even should--

(" _Traitors!" Ansem the Wise had managed to scream, and Dilan, to avoid looking at him, first looked at Aeleus, and then, finding only what he supposed had to be but a mirror of his own face expression, looked to somebody even more imporant instead, that is, to Braig, and found-- no mirror in Braig's eye, no mirror he'd recognise, but something that- him - revolted him, Dilan, who was not easily revolted, but-- no, what he found - had to be but an illusion born of Dilan's silly guilt)_

_(Silly guilt - was what his - what Braig called it, later that day, and so, Dilan, not wanting to make a fool of himself, not like that, not with HIM, swore to get over it, and so--)_

Suddenly, just before reaching the door, he felt pain in his own chest, as if he had been stabbed. The thing is - Dilan knew, because he looked - he hasn't been stabbed.

However, he suddenly knew ( _silly superstition, maybe, but, or illusion, maybe, but--)_ But suddenly, he knew, felt, with certainly - the one who had been stabbed was - was -was Braig, right now, Braig and another

~~_(devil)_ ~~

~~_(what?)_ ~~

_Devil?_

_What?_

Suddenly, nothing was clear.

He wanted to apologise, but

He shook himself out of - of - whatever this was. He ran. Ran, as fast as he could, and Dilan could run quite fast, and so, he managed to catch a glimpse of Braig disappearing.

**********

Dilan looked around. He was suddenly standing on some floor that looked as if it came straight out of a cathedral. He never cared much for art, and especially not right now, when the person he loved the most in all the worlds could be dying, right now! He heard a voice. A voice he didn't know. Was that the voice belonging to the person who's stabbed Braig's chest?

(Killed-- no. He'd save him, and it wasn't like Braig to die so easily! Was it? _Surely, I can save them all_ , Dilan thought, _my Braig and Aeleus and Ienzo - Even, maybe, too, though who cares, well, Ienzo would care, and Ans--- Braig, and Ienzo, and Aeleus, I'll save them, even though Braig won't even say--_ )

"Oh thank you, o great saviour! Pfft, as if!" Somebody said, partly voicing a thought or image that Dilan would think if he wasn't so rudely interrupted by that someone. The words sounded like an extremely pissed off Braig-- the voice... did not. Dilan looked. At a floor across--- across? He only now realised he was standing on a... platform?? A round one. Far away, maybe - or close? Anyway, in sight and in hearing... there was another platform. A stranger was standing there. Cloaked in black, the stranger was, that is.

Ugh. This place was causing Dilan to see things, surely.

(Devil.)

Because.. why was it so dark around here? And if it was so dark around here, why could he see ~~_the devil, silly, the devil_~~ ~~oh so~~ easily the stranger???

Braig would say that he needed to have his-

"Get your eyes checked," said the stranger. "And what are ya doing here, anyway, Dilan? Feeling philosophical? Go outside, 'Ansem' is coming at ya with a key right now. See, this isn't were you should be. Don't get dead, he'll be unbearable if you do. Ciao!"

Wait, what? Ansem will be unbearable if...? No, that's not what the stranger ~~_devil_~~ meant, was it, now? Dilan had never felt so disoriented in his life, and then-

"Geez. As per somebody's implied request, cuz I hate nagging, I told ya to wake up, Dilan, after your coming here for no reason at all. Might be too late now," the devil said.

**********

When Dilan opened his eyes, he saw Xehanort, with a strange blade, ( _ **key, I said, can you not listen? I know you're just Dilan, but still)**_ blade, and then -

*********

Cathedral-like floor again.

On a nearby... platform... no, Station, somehow Dilan knew, that the Station was a better word, even though that made no sense.... the devil was pacing, frowning, teeth gritting, and how could he tell that, when the de---stranger was hooded so heavily, how anything made sense, Dilan had no idea. He only knew... the stranger should not be on the neighbouring station... that was... that was.... Braig's place, Dilan suddenly knew, as if he had seen the place before, even though he never had!!

"It's drifting away," the cloaked stranger said. "Well, who wouldn't, after being stabbed with-- oh, goodie, the brat's fiancee is here", the _de_ stranger said, peering at Dilan from behind the hood covering more than any hood ever should, unsettingly.

"What's drifting away? Where am I? Where is Braig? Did Xehanort kill Braig?!! Are you Xehanort's accomplice?! Who?! What's going on??!!"

Even after asking all those questions, Dilan knew that words were not enough, and through a spear at the cloaked stranger. Somehow threw it, despite having no spear at hand just a second ago. But--

The stranger neatly avoided the throw and continued pacing.

"And ooooooooooooooofffffffff course Xehanort couldn't tell me he would rip my vessel apart, of fucking course! A day in advance of warning, nahh, an hour even, is all I'd ask!"

"Vessel?" Dilan asked, quietly, uncomprehendingly. What was even going on?

"Ah, goodie, you're still here. You're so slow that you haven't even noticed your own end of the world, huh? Well, you'll in a minute. Not my problem. I now need find another vessel, because--- ah, wait. Wait, wait, wait. You're _here._ _You_ followed him _here._ And so, it stands to reason that- it's mutual. _He_ shall follow you here, and - bingo! I don't lose my newest shiny vessel! So... hello, Dilan, nice to meet you. Why don't we think about Braig for half a second, hmm? Would be nice. Don't you agree? After all, your Heart won't be here much longer, and you love him, so you might as well perish while thinking of him- and don't you look at me like that, child, er, kiddo? Xehanort made you perish, not me."

Dilan took a step back. Which was difficult, because the very beautiful and somehow familiar floor beneath his feet was crumbling. Made of glass, maybe, and a very shitty glass at that. There were portraits on the floor. Biggest one, of Dilan himself, and it was crumbling, fast. But there was also a portrait of Braig - it was fuzzy, it switched between Braig as a child and Braig currently, and-- and, and, something was wrong, wrong, WRONG, wrong with the portrait, because, because, because--

Somehow, even amidst all that anxiety, Dilan found himself thinking back, thinking back on better times, thinking back on Braig--

Meanwhile, from the corner of his eyes, he thought he saw the

**the devil smiled.**

_______________

Memories came flooding, even amidst crumbling floors, and that--

_________________

_Dilan was going to graduate school soon. He was fourteen years old now, after all._

_Yesterday was Braig's birthday. Somehow, Dilan caught himself wondering how Braig would look if Braig was a girl._

_Every year, he'd tell Braig, "Blowing candles is for sissies, wishes have no real power", and Braig would give him the patented Braig not-quite-glare and try to kick his best friend in the shins, with no success._

_But yesterday, Braig just shook his head, and blew candles anyway, saying, "As if! Maybe I could wish to become a woman for one hour, just for my friend, who might want to kiss one."_

_That stunned Dilan into silence, but not for long. If Braig already knew of Dilan's weird thoughts, then, then, he could just show him... but he was taught to be a gentleman. He grabbed his best friend's hand and kissed it._

_"Oopsie daisies, or whatever.... grow up. I thought you'd drag that into your bed. I was bored. Well, no matter. Give it a few years. After all, I'm your Braig, right?"_

_Was this a trick question, Dilan wondered... was the correct answer... maybe... something like... I love you??? But Braig was too young! Maybe in a year... Or three..._

_"I---I love you!" he said to this apparently maturing birthday boy, his best friend, Braig, for the first time. And. He knew Braig. He knew that Braig would laugh to cover surprise and then say it back._

_Braig laughed._

_okay, good... So Dilan waited._

_And waited._

_And waited._

_Until they went to sleep. Separately, of course, like always. And Braig wished him good night, as always. But where was the earned confession Dilan deserved?!_

_Braig would confess now. Dilan knew that._

_But... what did he know, after all? When minutes passed and... Braig didn't reply with own confession of love or any feelings. Not even rejection. Just changed subjects. To shooting and stuff, same old Braig._

_But where was any kind of reply?_

_Some best friend._

*********

_Today was another dream, and in that dream, Dilan confessed love to someone. Maybe even to me. I'm not sure. It was close up? Welp, perhaps to me._

_I wanted to say something._

_But I was very far away._

_Dammit, why is it always so far away? But. I'm sleepy again. I hope Dilan's worried about me. I wanna hear 'Do you have a fever, Braig?' like in previous freaking dream._

_I wanna hear that!_

_As if... I could then fool myself that he wants me awake._

_I'm sleepy again._

__________

On a crumbling floor, Dilan suddenly wanted to scream. Braig-- Braig wasn't Braig, he suddenly knew, and--

___________________________________________________________________________

Xaldin woke up. Today was his third day in the Organisation. He could remember last two days. And he could remember what happened a month ago. Inbetween, however, was very unclear. When he tried to think of the time inbetween, he could only picture Braig's - er, Xigbar's - face. And imagine a chain, pulled from Dilan's own chest, somehow.

Just a strange image, born of some wild imagination Dilan never knew he had.

Still... there was no use pondering it. Or was there?

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Xigbar said. Dilan - Xaldin - looked up.

Of fucking course Braig was standing on the ceiling, and probably HAS been standing on the ceiling, watching him sleep. Xemnas's number two, immature like a child.

Dilan threw a spear at him. Braig neatly avoided it, as always - well. Always?

It was a miracle how well Braig, well, Xigbar, could see, with only one eye. Sometimes, D--Xaldin had an impression that eye saw more than Xaldin's own two eyes. And then he'd remember that as a child, Braig would insist on seeing some

~~devils that never were.~~

~~and never could be in stations of crumbling glass, with a chain tethering -~~

~~memories?~~

~~What?~~

on seeing some devils that never were.

"Shut up, Braig."

"Name's Xigbar. Or mister boss shall never give us a break about it, you know."

Xaldin sighed. He knew that well. Did Braig take him for a fool? Some old friend, indeed, mocking him so. Well, maybe... maybe it was Dilan's own fault, for getting used to that.

Long ago.

\-----------

Luxu doesn't need to rest, or so he tells himself. He does it out of the kindness for children, so that they may possess their previously their bodies, for themselves (their bodies now belong to Luxu, finders keepers, guys, but he can share sometimes, out of goodness of his heart, ya know) for a day or a year, or two years, even, in, as Luxu calls it, 'slow times', when not too much progress is being made.

Well, lenting a body back like that is a kind thing, isn't it? And funny. The had-been-watching-long-ago Master might appreciate the show, even if Luxu doesn't see those parts, because those parts are when Luxu is sleeping.

Luxu's recordtime nap is twenty years, but that was long ago, long before Xehanort was born. In another child, long before Braig was born.

Braig.. doesn't have that luck.

What? One can blame it all on bad luck.

(As if.)

_________________

It's been two months since Xaldin began to introduce himself as Xaldin, not Dilan, with relative ease. One year since he's been given the name. One had to adapt. He didn't want to be turned into a Dusk.

(Who would? That's why no nobody will ever escape, that much, Dilan knew for sure.)

"Braig, wake up!" he shouted, slamming the door shut upon entering Xigbar's room. "Don't pretend to be asleep at one in afternoon, Lord Xemnas sends us on recon to the Pride Lands! Which I'm sure you know already, as I see you lurking around the leader the whole time,"

No, no bitterness, certainly, as Nobodies couldn't feel such, according to said Lord Xemnas. No bitterness at all. It's just that Dil--Xaldin was one of the few hardworkers in the Organisation XIII (why XIII, when there weren't thirteen members yet?? Some strange obsession of Lord Xemnas? Or symbolic of their bad luck in losing their hearts? Could be, Dilan didn't care, truly). One of the few that would work tirelessly, because HE actually WANTED to get his own, and Braig's, and Even's, and Ienzo's, and Aeleus's, hearts back, but no, nobody thanked him for that!

Or. No somebody and no nobody. Well. Seeing as there were nobody in his castle with a heart to feel gratitude, Dilan could only blame himself for apparently wishing for it, even with no heart with which to wish.

Xigbar yawned, stretched, and slowly opened his eye. The eye looked... empty. Like a newborn Nobody's. Alarmed, Xaldin threw a spear at Xigbar, or Braig, whatever, he still liked to call Xigbar Braig, but...

Yes, there was a reaction. A shriek. A sob. A strange shaking, certainly not very healthy looking. A scratching at the eyepatch, at the scar, at many things that Xigbar should be used to even if sleepwalking. And it made Dilan feel like the worst non-person in the Castle that Never Was, somehow, for it was... not like Xigbar at all, and also... reminded him of somebody he used to know, same somebody, before everything. Of Braig when he was just a boy. Needless to say, he immediately wanted to apologise. He even, wastefully, made an entrance to Corridor to be at Xigbar's side, yes, on Xigbar's bed, in an instant, and, tentatively, embraced him. At least he knew how to, in a most calming way, because... even if Lord Xemnas was right and Nobodies were only bodies with illusion of self, that body, Braig's body, was the one Dilan knew almost as well as his own.

Xigbar blinked, and slowly, muttered, sounding like a person who doesn't quite remember how to speak, almost, his words halting and breaking, almost inaudible, almost incomprehensible, if Xaldin wasn't his best friend and didn't know him so well.

"Wh--if you're here---wh---wh---why am I yet to dream, ever, with so many dreams of you, yet to dream of you taking me away to another world, far from here, far from what devils seek??? why??? Dilan!"

It's been three months since Xaldin last heard the name. Dilan. It made him, at the moment, feel---needed.

Damn it all. They could get turned into Dusk together. Someday, after seeing just how far could Corridors of Darkness take them.

"You're dreaming of it now, Xigbar. Say where to begin."

"Radiant... Garden."

"There's no such world, Braig! Forget it!"

"Radiant. Garden."

What was suddenly wrong with Xigbar?! Xaldin had no idea, but he murmured his assent at last, and opened the entrance. They went. Just the two of them. To Hollow Bastion.

___________

( ~~ **Just the three of them. Luxu dimly wondered why he was dreaming of before remembering, ah, yes, wasn't that where the current child was from? Vacation? Fine. He wasn't tired (he was), but he'd allow a short vacation. It was Luxu's policy to only lie to others, could even lie to hearts he took over, not to his own Heart, because otherwise, how would he keep track.....?**~~

Luxu was a good liar. And very lonely.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry, I posted wrong version of chapter, not final one, last time, this is the right one. Such a mistake won't happen again.


	4. Lux (Light) / (I never meant to make you bleed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In this chapter, we'll see events, chronologically and not, through Dilan's eyes (and well, Xaldin has same eyes, so I can still say through Dilan's eyes, here, kay?), through Braig's eye (perhaps most confusing parts. The boy is a half-asleep seven-nine and going on thirty something years old grade schooler pre-puberty, give him a break on not confusing you...) and sometimes, through Luxu's eyes (ew ;) kidding). So, yeah. It will all make sense - someday. In other words, I know what's happening, and someday, the characters might know, too. 'kay? :D

For today's mission, Xaldin was paired with Xigbar.

Finally.

Fucking finally.

The former Castle Guard could've sworn that his best friend - or, well, the Nobody of his best friend - has been avoiding him for ages.

Why?

Just because they couldn't _truly_ feel for each other anymore, having now no Hearts... couldn't Xig--- damn that stupid name, it gave Xaldin - Dilan -chills for some reason.

Braig.

Braig was Braig.

Dilan, or whatever what was left of him as the Superior would say, stormed into X---Braig's room.

Xigbar was asleep. Dilan could see that clearly. He could also see, quite clearly, a picture on the floor. He picked it up. It wasn't an interesting picture, even if, artistically, it looked amazing. There were two people in Organisation's cloaks. A man and a boy. The boy's face was almost clearly shown despite the hood. The man's, however, could barely be seen.

Suddenly, Xaldin's instincts warned him and he averted his gaze from Braig's mysterious artwork and looked at Braig - no, at Xigbar - aiming both his weapons at him, now fully awake, with a cold, very cold, look in his eye.

"You're dead, Dilly. Say your goodbyes. I'll tell the Mister Master that you died on today's mission. I can even make your toddler friend believe the same. You're dead. Say your prayers."

Dilan stared the other man - or, whatever one might call a man that is a Nobody - right into the eye and said,

"Well then, fuck me for believing in love."

Xigbar's cold gaze suddenly turned into one of, Xaldin thought, perhaps... panic?!

Xigbar hissed, "Quiet, or you'll have more painful death because I might _miss,_ even. You know your baby friend doesn't have good eyesight. So. Shut up or you'll die regretting your nonsense!"

Xaldin - or Dilan, because he still hated those newfangled stupid names - couldn't make heads or tails out of whatever it was Xigbar's just said. However... it seemed that Xigbar - or, he'd just call him Braig - for some reason decided to pretend to care that Dilan used to care for Braig back when they still had hearts?

You know what? I don't care. I don't have a Heart to care. And apparently, in a moment, unless I just deflect with Spears, because does Braig really think I can't? In a moment, I'll, supposedly, be DEAD. And I just don't care. I don't care so much that--, Xaldin thought, spitefully, and tried to finish the thought, but his he-- his lack of Heart was racing, spinning madly, and then, he said, he said, stupidly, why did he allow his lack of emotions to do the talking instead of allowing his existing brain to do the talking, Dil--Xal---Dilan uttered,

"I love you."

"No, you don't."

"Perhaps. I -- loved Braig."

Xigbar's weapons suddenly disappeared. He looked mad. Then he turned away, sat down back on his bed, yawned, and said, "I could use a nap anyway. Alright, kids, it's empty house. I'll make excuses to Mister Mas-- whatever's left of Xehanort and Terra. I'm out. I loathe soap operas. Xilly Dilly, you're still dead, I'll collect that tomorrow. Can't have you looking at _my_ confessions. But you have a day to do yours. Loose chains and all. Nighty night, ciao."

Dilan stared. He no longer knew what to think.

"I'm not dead," he muttered, finally, "And I won't be dead tomorrow."

Suddenly, instead of falling asleep as oddly promised, Xigbar looked... strange. His eye suddenly looked quite dim and vacant. And then, suddenly, he shrieked, so loud that once upon a time Dilan would have thought his best friend must be tortured, and also, his voice more high-pitched,

"Who's dying?! Dil, are you dying?! Dilan, don't die, I love you, you're my only best buddy!"

Xaldin had no idea what he should say. What was going on?!

Xigbar seemed to have much less idea about the state of things, right now, than Xaldin, which was... oddly comforting. And his eye - Xigbar's.... Braig's.... whatever... his eye, suddenly not yellow, and not brown, suddenly seemed violet again, or purple, just like...

Just like Dilan remembered it, back in the day. For not too long a time. Surprisingly, looking back, no matter how much he could love all of them - those eyes - as long as they were Braig's, and wasn' it still? It was the violet that looked, contrary to popular beliefs (devil), most humane, not the later brown or yellow. That, at some angles, sometimes, made him think that Braig might actually truly have met some kind of a demon or a beast or a devil, indeed.

Brown. Yellow.

But, at utmost human, in childhood, or perhaps that was just faulty memory, shadow of a heart, speaking, those eyes used to be - and now, that eye was, today again - violet. Just a trick of light, maybe, as no beasts and no Devils existed, ever, surely, except Heartless (weren't their eyes yellow?) But... When they first met, and became, for too short a time, each other's rock - or lifeline. Back then, it was purple. Violet.

Unlike any beast, no matter what people would say.

Later, brown, and he simply accepted...

(the devil? beasts and devils couldn't exist in a real world...)

...maybe too quick?

Perhaps he missed the violet, and lied that he didn't. Dilan always thought he himself was an honest man, but-

Violet. It was there now, right now, today, now. How??? If the colour changed naturally with age... Was Xaldin now dreaming? Or was this some illusion???

( _Beasts and Demons and Faes and Devils, they don't exist. It's true. Only monsters ever seen were the Heartless and those weaker not-Heartless before them. No beasts or demons or devils, that he'd gladly murder, if that would thaw something in Braig, in Xigbar,_ he knew not what, Xaldin just didn't know-- but-- he missed him, but he didn't, that was just a weakness, because - how could he miss somehow someone he saw everyday??)

Violet. Purple. Not brown. Not yellow. No devilish beasts or demons there, even if one imagined they could exist- (they could not) -

_Violet. As if some curtain was suddenly torn in half, explicitly for_ Xaldin, or for what was left of Dilan, he felt, and the reveal shook Xaldin, shook him though he had no idea what, if anything, he felt - didn't feel - was revealed. _Violet. Like when they used to be better friends. No, when, more naive, perhaps- Violet._

_Violet._

Didn't he use to love-

_That was in another life._

Violet. Before brown - why wasn't it ever strange? So normal, so accepted, the brown that replaced- well. Eyes changed colours sometimes, with age. Everyone knew that. And the brown was warm, sometimes, and beautiful, too, so, why was Dilan suppose to give a damn that his friend's eyes got more gorgeous, anyway?

He's almost forgotten the violet eyes. But one was now there, and filled to the brink with panic and sudden, yet unshed tears. What was he to do, now, as a shadow of a friend? He had no idea.

Violet.

"Dil. Dil, something's wrong with my other eye. What's going on? What's going on?!"

"You... don't have another eye, Xigbar."

"Who's Xigbar, Dil? Do I know him?"

********

**_"Who's Xigbar, Dil? Do I know him?"_ **

**_I now dreamt of a strangely grown up Dil - my best friend, Dilan, who is weirdly attractive with that now adult body of his, but that's sick... anyway, I dreamt of Dil, very confused Dil in a devil's cloak, who turned and went out through a door. I knew that door. I dreamt of it often. It was the door to the Devil's room. He went through it often, so I always saw it, with my own eyes._ **

**_That's just how it was._ **

**_But. About my eyes... one of my eyes was covered, it seemed. The Devil musta covered it. Yes, that's it. So I clawed there, as much as I could. What was that made of? Such total darkness... I shoulda at least saw what was covering my other eye._ **

**_But adult Dilan suddenly seemed a tiny little bit worried. Yes, he stopped in the Devil's doorway. Did he stop for the Devil? Or did he stop for me? I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I dI don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowon't know, I don't knowI don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowI don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowI don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowI'm scared I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know_ **

**_So I asked him,I don't, and I'm scared, to know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know_ **

**_I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, Dilan, please, look at me, because, because, because, I don't know I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowI don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowI don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know_ **

**_So then I asked him,_ **

**_"Why worry?"_ **

**_He winced._ **

**_I let it be. Instead, I disrobed - that's the word, right?_ **

**_Adult Dilan winced - was I that ugly? Or maybe the Devil was ugly? Has the Devil done something ugly to my body? I hope not. Mom and Dad always said that wouldn't be good, if a stranger did, ya know. As if I didn't know. As if. I'm not a baby. As if! Adult Dilan in a devil's robe turned away again. He waved his hand thataway and than a hole appeared in the wall, but not very hole-y, if ya catch my drift, but rather, black. It was a black hole! And adult Dilan went inside it!But the teacher said, in school, what went into a blackhole - and this hole was SOOOO BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKK - would never come outside it, ever again, and so, Dilan would be lost, that's what I was taught at school, ya know!Dilan went into the blackhole, see. Which means.I'll never see him again.As if! That's not allowed! I still wanna know if he sees ME me, or only the Devil in what the Devil stole me. He - Dil - thinks he can get away without me knowing??? As if!!_ _Adult Dil's now looking at me as if seeing a ghost. Am I a ghost? I don't wanna!_  
**

*******************

In the Corridor of Darkness, Xaldin was in no hurry. Should he just go on the mission - reckon to Twilight Town - alone?

Perhaps. He just couldn't deal with his former friend today. He couldn't.

Not now that he confessed the old shadow of his honest love to him. Not ever again.

_What a fool had Dilan been_ , Xaldin mused, _or rather, if I'm what's left of him, what a fool I am._

_****************_

~~ **\- Stop! You'll destroy that body! - Luxu shouted, trying in vain to do something about Braig's sudden decision. But, he just wasn't yet awake enough.** ~~

~~ **************** ~~

~~~~Staying too long inside a corridor, even as a Nobody, even with a cloak on, was ill-advised, Xaldin knew that, Xehanort explained that in detail, many a time. Xigbar, too. And Vexen. Still, though- well, alright. Time to go--

Suddenly, something barreled at him. He expected a shot, a sling, a bullet, or arrow, but -- not an utterly naked Braig, Xigbar, tackling him.

"We're in a black hole! And that's bad! Because I fell in love with you, you cold-hearted b-word!" Xigbar-- no, Braig, Xaldin was only able to think of him as 'Braig' now, if he was able to think at all - shouted.

"You're not getting dead dead for real!" Braig continued. "Coz I love ya and I say so. Ya think you can go and die on me today? As if!!! We're going elsewhere! To the light! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!!"

Xaldin... Dilan's Nobody... could just use the name Dilan, as for the first time in a while, dumbfounded, he felt like a Dilan.... stared at the naked man who grabbed his hand and didn't appear likely to change his mind. Whatever was going on, Braig's mind seeemed made up. And so, just for a moment, Dilan allowed himself the belief in Braig's nonsensical words flowing clearly from some nonsensical nonexistant Heart.

Hearts were a terrible idea, anyway, surely. Whoever made them should be held responsible.

He let Braig lead him through a Corridor. Lead and lead and lead. It seemed as if Braig was completely lost - had no idea where to go.

Xaldin knew where to go, but he decided to let Braig lead him - or rather, perhaps, that _love , just one fickle word,_ was to blame for Xaldin's, for Dilan's, consternation, sudden indecision, and...

And then, Braig shuddered and shrieked. And now, Dilan actually looked at his former best friend closely.

Braig was shaking. Wisps of Darkness were coming from his body, clearly trying to consume it.

NO!!

Xaldin - Dilan - tore off his own hood, and put it on the shaking, now barely conscious, Braig. And then embraced him, for, hopefully, further protection - and, in such a position, left the Corridor. In a random world, without a care as to where.

They landed on a beach. He almost swallowed something. Almost, because, well, shaken, he had to throw it up.

There were several such fruits just laying around on the sand. Braig was still extremely shaken, Dilan noted. And so... hmm. Would eating help?

Perhaps not. But when they were small children, Braig always insisted that all the wounds heal when one eats something tasty enough. And that fruit seemed tasty enough.

_Am I going mad,_ Xaldin wondered. _Mad with memories of love and grief? Maybe, but..._

_But I loved him. No, I love him. Maybe we can still be shadows of best friends, if we're only now shadows anyway. Nobodies. Whatever._

**********

**_Tasty. I'm feeling a bit better already. And more- more real. To me. To Dil. Maybe - that's just a dream. Or is any of this real? I don't think so, but...at least, we can share... Oh. Adult Dilan is talking. I think I head 'love' and 'fool' and 'World that Never".... never what. And... I heard him say... 'dessert?" Mhm! It better be some yummy dessert, I think I feel like my body wanted to break apart, into tiny tiny teeny pieces._ **

**_As if._ **

**_That'd be a horror._ **

**_Hm. Horrors are cool! But only late at night with a flashlight and Dilan - idk about adult Dilan in devilmade robe - at my side._ **

**_I'm naked? But only Dil sees me now, if sees me at all, so that's a-ok. Ok. Ok. Sure-_ **

_**********_

"In other words, we're now deserters!!" Xaldin shouted, shaking Xigbar's shoulder. "Xigbar, what the hell??!! And did you trick me with some fals emotions of memories of our old friendship???? One year in Organisation, loyal as hell, and now-- what the---You're a lunatic suddenly?! Your sleepwalking's gone too far! Stop this or I'll kill you myself, you fuckwit!!"  
Xigbar's eye, so dim and vacant he had to be sleepwalking and sleeptalking tonight, right now, widened, and he muttered,  
"Oopsie, Dilan's swearing. Now I know we must be in a deep poo indeed."  
"Poo? Why didn't you say shit?"  
"But Dilan. Dilan, you don't like it when I swear. You told me so. On my sixth birthday. Er? Ya know, you're biiiiig," Xig--Br--Xigbar said, still slightly absentmindedly or in almost-sleep, it seemed to him.  
Xaldin's shoulders sagged. He understood less and less.  
"He's sleeping," Xig--Braig said, yes, Dilan decided, Braig, BRAIG, or insert some stupid old verse about roses and names, but why he thought it must be BRAIG??  
"Dilan," X--Braig added, even more quietly, "this is. Our chance. At scurrying away. I know I'm dreaming, but that must mean-- if I'm dreaming so vividly - if I can touch you, I, me, then, he's sleeping! The Devil is sleeping"  
So. Then. Apparently... Apparently, Dilan realised, though he was no psychiatrist, Braig must've lost his mind. He wasn't sure what exactly was happening, and maybe he was losing his own mind, too, but, suddenly, he leaned closer to Braig, kissed him on the cheek, and said,  
"We've been too long in Hollow Bastion, 'the devil', or whatever you're imagining, but more likely than those, first it'd be Lord Xemnas... will find us. Where to next?"  
"Somewhere I can practice shooting! Maybe I can shoot the devil in the second eye, like the angry guy shot him in one of mine. Then he'd be blind, and we could escape more."  
"What?"  
Braig pointed at his own eyepatch.  
Xal--Dilan shook his head. Why was he talking to a madman, why was he pretending to feel apprehension around a madman, and most of all - best friend or not - why was he now, even not outloud, only to himself, pretending (only pretending, Lord Xemnas said so) - pretending to be in love with, certainly, a madman?  
Dilan decided he'd have to somehow take Braig's weapon away so that his best friend doesn't accidentally shoot at own eye, as Braig had only one eye left, anyway.  
Braig, meanwhile, was giving him an eager look, like he used to when they would 'raid' Braig's uncle's pantry.

  
"Next stop: Land of Dragons? Or the Forest of Old Gods?"

Xald---- Dilan shook his head, and, not for the first time, wondered. Wonder whether Braig might be the boy from the picture and perhaps.... the man in the picture would be? The Devil? The 'Master of Masters?"

He didn't know who the Devil was, or who the boy was, or who the man was, or who the Master of Masters was, but he wanted to murder them all, right now, and leave only Braig and himself alive.

_And do what, then,_ Xaldin wondered, half-sarcastically. _When the Devil is dead, if he ever existed - he doesn't, he's just an excuse for Braig's jerkassery - when the Devil, or Master of Masters, or some scion of his, is dead, do what? Marry Xigbar --- Braig? Or something?_

_As if something like that were possible. With no Hearts, anyway._

"Forest of Old Gods," Dilan muttered, quietly. Just for Braig. He always seemed excited about the place.

"Great! We'll take your fresh new three friends and that one who's our age, too!"

"Our... age?" he asked, frowning.

Braig grinned, "Yep, but smart, unlike us! Ienzo, I mean, Ienzo! The little one. Oh, right. You're now adult Dilan. So I guess... you're... one of Ienzo's stepdads! Can I- Can I, with this big body, be one of Ienzo's stepdads, too, like you, 'Even', and 'Alus'?

"Aeleus. Or rather, now that he's lost his Heart like all of us, L--"

"No."

"No?"

"NO!" Yelled Braig, suddenly stomping his foot like a... a child. "No, I didn't lose me my soul, it got stoled! stoled, I tell you, Dil! Lost??? As if!"

Suddenly, Xaldin became very aware of little children on a beach, stopping and staring at him and and his friend - an adult man throwing a temper tantrum.

Why was he in love - even if make-believe, false, from memories - with Xigbar, again??? He looked into Braig's eye. It wasn't yellow, good, because that always looked ghastly. But it also wasn't the brown he came to adore all these years. No, it was more - like when they were children, before the colour changed.

Xi---no, that wasn't Xigbar's, it'd feel wrong to ~~feel think feel~~ think that, for some reason... no... Braig's...

Braig's eye was violet.

*****

_"Your eyes are ugly, that's why you can't see well and shoot well, you baby," Dilan, a big boy - he was five years old already - said._

"They're just purple, not ugly!"

"Hmmm..." Dilan thought outloud. "You shouldn't call them purple, or you'll get bad luck. Call them violet."

"Uh-huh... but why?"

"They say.... devils have purple eyes. Or brown, or yellow, but usually purple."

"Oh!"

"So, yours are violet. To be safe."

"'kay!"

"Coz you're not gonna meet any devils. Not while I'm around. As if! Coz you might be a baby, but. I always wondered what it's like, having younger brother. If you could- nevermind. You're not."

"Huh? Hey, that sounds neat."

"What does?"

"As if!"

"Why? I think it sounds dumb. I rarely say it. Coz I'm not some baby."

"As if!"

"I bet you can't keep saying that all the time, baby, even if you wanted to."

"As if!"

"Eh, speaking of devils, it seems like I just unleashed a demon of bad catchphrase, bab--- what's your name, again?"

"Braig"

**********

had violet eyes. Then, and now again.

"Who are you?" Dilan asked, suddenly in panic.

"Braig."

"Yes, but if so-- who were you, when you promised to murder me tomorrow?"

"Not me."

"Yes, but- no- you-"

The children were still staring. Xaldin wasn't going to embarass himself like that any longer, and Xigbar- standing there naked - so he tore off a part of his own robe and threw it at Xi-- Braig.

"Whoever you are, at least wear this. For protection."

"I'm me. Braig."

Yes, the man who was Dilan without a Heart thought, with sudden clarity of emotion where his Heart surely wasn't, but then, who were you yesterday?

Suddenly, the possibility of a true answer terrified him. So much that if he had a heart, perhaps this would be when he'd die of fear. Did something happened to Braig? Who was the Master of Masters???

For the first time in his life, Xaldin was afraid to ask, in case... in case he might hear an answer that wasn't false and ridiculous, but TRUE.

****

Braig's eye-colour, it was violet. As it should be. When it was like that, truly, when they were little children. As it wasn't, later, when it turned into brown. But, shouldn't it still be violet? In a world, in which, in Dilan's imagination suddenly, his first intimate time with another person would be with his best friend.

A world where he would, perhaps, propose to his best friend.

A world in which Braig wouldn't one day suddenly look at THE scarf - still wearing it, fortunately, but - wouldn't look at THE Scarf with sudden disgust or fear, in clearly brown eye.

In a world that could've been.

*************

**_So in my dream right now, I went to adult Dilan, who seemed suddenly oh so worried, and, because I was also adult and so didn't have cooties for sure, as if, kissed him gently on a cheek._ **

**_"The devil's a bit sleepy tired right now," I said. "We can escape him and Zieyanort. Both. So, let's run. To Forest of Old Gods. Do your BlackHole thingy, Dil."_ **

**_And so, Dil did so. But before we went into there, he disrobed completely and gave me all of the robe - though I don't know how to sew - for safety, Dil said. He's right. Last time I was in the black-hole naked, my body felt, like it was about to burst. And it wasn't Devil's doing - it was black holey corridor's doing._ **

**_And so, off we went. I think the children were relieved to see us go. I think they thought we had cooties._ **

**_I think we might have some, but that's good. I think, if Dil sees I'm not the Devil actually - the Devil's close by, very close, too close, waking up slowly, brrr - I think, Dilan might love me again. I hope. It's not like he can't see me and Devil are different... or maybe he can't???_ **

**_As if!_ **

**_Dilan is Dilan. Dil knows me, like nobody else. I hope. Maybe I'm not dreaming. Maybe - this is real._ **

**_But. If it is. The Devil, he soon---no, please!! I don't want to sleep again!! Because, suddenly, I understand, like something suddenly being understood during difficult lesson - and yeah, I'm stupid - so what - AS IF THAT MATTERED! BEING STUPID KIDDO IS NO REASON FOR DEVIL TO CHAIN HIMSELF TO YOU - AND I UNDERSTAND - THE DREAMS -THAT'S REAL - DIL IS AN ADULT AND HE SAID, HE SAID HE LOVES ME, I DREAMT THAT SO IT'S TRUE, AND I, i-- i MIGHT LOVE HIM, TOO, HE SAW ME  
_ **

**_HE SAW ME_ **

**_PLEASE. JUST. One more hour, please, I'll tell him, and I'll never ask for anything more, I'd tell him, and kiss him, but like a man, on lips not cheeks, coz my body is big and adulty enough, and, and then, maybe I can tell him 'thanks for seeing me through the devil' and I'd do things with him that adults do, and then, so that the Devil can't awake again, I'd jump off the nearest cliff._ **

**_An hour is enough._ **

**_I try saying, "Dilan, I needa tell you. I-- you--"_ **

**_Please--!! Devil, if you could, just be nice for a moment and lemme finish, as if you even cared if I finish, damm--_ **

_*************_

Braig's eye was brown. Dimly brown, so suddenly.

Xaldin blinked. They've just left the corridor, and, perhaps, this was - yes, this all just a trick of light. Just a trick of light. Who could believe in Devils? In stealing bodies?

JUST A TRICK OF LIGHT. That had to be it. Just a trick of light.

Like _love._

_**********_

_(Braig's eyes had been violet. This eye is brown - and now, look, changing again, it's yellow. Who's blind, if not me?)_

Perhaps Dilan's Heart whispered that, deep inside. But that was impossible, because Dilan was now Xaldin, and had no Heart, not anymore.

 _Braig's eye,_ Xaldin thought, _used to be violet, and a moment ago, it was again--_

_So what does that matter? He said he'll kill me tomorrow._

The forest was vast, and full of old gods. Like enormous, wild animals, but sapient and sentient.

They weren't devils. And they weren't gods, to Xaldin, as he believed in none.

Braig's eyes used to be violet. So what did that matter, anyway? Just a trick of light.

Braig had said, sounding so pretend desperate that Dilan almost couldn't believe it was pretend (but if not, where did the Heart come from, and where to would it leave as suddenly, Braig seemed so much more... Xigbary and less Braigy, again?), that he needed to tell Xal-- Dilan something.

For half a second, Dilan fooled himself-- but--

Perhaps Braig's eye(s) were never violet.

______

_**Years ago, I dreamt I looked into the mirror. I think the Devil was half asleep. The Devil's eyes are yellow, but that's a lie, beneath that, they're brown.** _

_**My eyes - they're violet. Or. Perhaps. Just one eye now. Where did the other go? Why is it covered? Why can't I feel it?** _

_**Still. My eye is violet. But the mirror doesn't see it. I hoped Dilan would.** _

_**The Devil stirred fully awake and tightened the chains. I think I fainted. For the next year - or two - or ages, who knows, I didn't dream, I didn't hear, I... Dil, please, come and get me, Dil, and Aelus, and Ienzo, but...** _

_**No, nobody else can, they never met me, so... Only Dil. Please--** _

_**But I can't... see....** _

_**Only Darkness, now. Where the Devil throws me when I'm rude. Because, he says, me trying to take me back is rude and--** _

_**Liar. He stole. Not me.** _

_**Dil, please, if you-- not-- then nobody--** _

_**will** _

_**and my eyes are purple, anyway** _

_**I'd say. I'm me. I'm me who'd never aim crossbows at you for real real, with intent to shoot. Yes, I dreamt, I was waking up because I dreamt, Devil said, he'd kill, but, but, but....But my body should be me, and isn't, and--** _

_**Darkness.** _

_________

Violet. Brown. Gold.

They used to be violet. Purple. And now, that one, dimly, violet again, before turning brown, than gold. Did Xaldin imagine it?

Violet. Or purple. In those half-forgotten days--

Perhaps a trick of memory. A trick of memory, like the utter horror and panic (how, without a Heart to feel those with? and if a heart, whence would it come and then leave - he felt no more fear now...) Dilan - Xaldin - felt when, in the Corridor of Darkness, he saw clearly that, moments longer in the Darkness, unprotected, and his beloved friend or what was left of him might fall apart, literally, consumed by Darkness, naked to it. That's why he parted with his own protection, ready to sacrifice his own body, without thinking, just for Braig's-- But it was all a trick, because, why would Xigbar disrobe, unless to trick Xaldin into-- exactly that--- for some sick, sadistic-- WIth no longer violet eyes, and even the brown was, sometimes, so cold-- Unlike violet, warm, long ago, despite that shouldn't that, with colours, be the other way round- Suddenly, he missed the violet, so miraculously returned to him and quickly snatched away. No, not snatched away. The Devil didn't exist, was a trick, a lie, Dil---Xaldin decided, swore to believe, to no longer fool himself, like some fool in love (with no heart to-- to break, and so, false--) False like that purple or violet that, today, surely never was...

Just a trick of light.

The shade of violet he used to miss, as adoloscent, even while falling for those lovely brown eyes. Lacking - something-

But that too was surely a lie. Like everything. And now they were deserters, unless they quickly 'RTCd'.

Feh. Let them be turned into Dusk for desertion. Braig, whatever tricks up his sleeve, deserved it, and would surely be shocked, the great important NUMBER II, and Dil--- Xaldin would gladly die to see that, for a second, right now, out of surely nonexistant and imagined (no emotions, right? What everyone said...) - imagined - remembered - spite.

***********

Violet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes, Luxu fully intends at the moment, soon, to murder Xigbar because Xigbar saw a hand-drawn picture of MoM and Luxu, drawn by Luxu. Obviously, Luxu won't murder Xigbar, as this isn't a AU, or at least it isn't one yet. Why won't he? Well, that's a good question and I know the answer, as I already wrote the next chapter at least. :)
> 
> Luxu is very sensitive when it comes to anybody finding proof of his affection for the Master of Masters, okay? It's been a while.
> 
> Braig, on the other hand, would seriously go mad if anything happened to Dilan so permanently, well, at least if he 'in dream' saw it. ('In dreams' like Ven saw Sora's adventures when Ven was inside Sora.) :)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: (but you can all ignore this, most of this is in the fic already and I have a habit of useless over-clarification) : Yes, Luxu alias Xigbar calls Xaldin, and always has, Dilly, because he misheard it? Or on purpose. Instead of 'Dil', which is what the real Braig called and would now call (and is, when he's awake rarely) Dilan. Oh, if real 'little' Braig ever fully registers that Dilan's (his Nobody's, but, that's beside the point, same mind, still, unlike the other situation with two minds...) name is now Xaldin, he'd call him Zald or something. He might in the future.
> 
> Luxu would think that's just too silly of a nick even for him. Luxu has, if you ask him, some vestiges of dignity. (Says the man who thinks 'tiger' and 'poppet' are funny nicknames... ) Well, Luxu will call Xaldin, and then Dilan again, other nicks in the future. He has plethora of them for the original six apprentices after all.
> 
> So if one even says 'Dil' or 'Zald', that's Braig talking. Or half-talking. Heart-Sleeptalking. Something of the kind. :D Just to make things clear.
> 
> Also: Luxu rarely says the names 'Dilan', 'Braig', etc, unless he's feeling especially tired. So if Xigbar's saying them, that'd be either Braig speaking or an especially tired 'I-don't-even-care-right-now' Luxu. Easy, right? 
> 
> That'd be all for now. Because without that, well, things might get confusing in next five chapters. Or not. I'll try to be clear enough, but who knows. Heh.
> 
> There are also various many other little details, but I'm not gonna spoil them, they're not that obvious. Anyway, they'll all be consistent, so no worries. I hope.
> 
> Next chapter: hopefully on 23rd February.


End file.
